They’re still turning up to work, still answering texts, still smiling in photos but something’s off and you can feel it.
According to crisis intervention and performance expert Gary Fahey, many Australians are suffering quiet breakdowns behind calm exteriors and their friends, partners and colleagues are often the first to sense it.
Sadly, even when they do, they don’t know what to do and people are left to continue to unravel without help or support.
Gary Fahey is warning that inaction can be more devastating than we realise. It is important if we feel something isn’t right with someone to act and step up.
“Not all breakdowns come with drama. In fact, some of the most dangerous ones are silent. It’s when people start to retreat emotionally, make poor decisions or seem ‘just a little off’, that’s when you need to lean in,” Fahey said.
Fahey is a former elite federal police officer and now one of Australia’s most trusted experts in stress, performance and mental resilience. He specialises in helping people back from the brink of personal and professional crisis.
Breakdowns don’t always look like a collapse
Fahey said the signs someone is heading toward crisis can be subtle.
They withdraw, avoid decisions, cancel plans, snap unexpectedly and become forgetful. They might joke about being ‘fine’ while everything in their world is quietly falling apart.
“We often dismiss it because they’re still functioning, but functioning isn’t thriving,” Fahey said.
“They could be battling decision paralysis, micro-stress overload or emotional exhaustion while doing everything they can to keep up appearances.”
What to do and what not to do
Fahey said the key is to approach with calm, curiosity and connection, not interrogation.
“I always recommend that people start with something light such as, hey, I’ve noticed you don’t quite seem yourself, want to talk? Then listen. Don’t jump into problem-solving mode. They don’t need a lecture, they need to feel safe,” Fahey said.
Fahey said one of the most powerful things you can offer is presence.
“If they’re struggling to breathe, help them breathe. Sit with them. Suggest simple grounding techniques like box breathing: inhale for four seconds, hold, exhale for four, hold again. Repeat. It resets the body and opens space for clarity,” Fahey said.
The biggest mistake is waiting until it’s obvious
Fahey said people often hesitate to speak up for fear of overreacting but waiting too long can have serious consequences.
“By the time it’s obvious, it’s often critical. If something feels off, trust your gut. You don’t have to diagnose it, you just have to be there,” Fahey said.
“If you gently reach out and they tell you everything is fine, wait a little while and try again in a slightly different way. Fear is part of the process and if you let them know that you are around to chat and continue to offer support this will build trust and connection.”
You don’t need to have all the answers
Fahey stressed that you don’t need to fix someone to help them. Just showing up, listening and encouraging them to seek the right support can make all the difference.
“You don’t need to be a psychologist, you just need to be human. Ask twice, sit longer, don’t change the subject and remind them they’re not broken, they’re just overwhelmed.”